Thursday, 20 April 2017

Choosing Our Partners Is Tricky, But This Explains How To Do It

If you think you are the absolute worst at picking romantic partners, you’re in good company. As it turns out, most of us are. According to the School Of Life – a philosophical school aiming to help people deal with the psychological issues of everyday life, founded by philosopher Alain De Botton – we don’t really have much say when it comes to choosing our partners.

Why We Should Blame Romanticism For Choosing Our Partners Poorly

Back in the day (and in some countries still), there were arranged marriages between people who had no other choice but to accept one another and live together. With the prevalence of romanticism, however, things took a different turn. The idea that there is a special someone out there who is perfect for us and we will recognize them as such the moment we lay eyes on them took over. What this taught us it to trust our instinct. The way we develop our instincts, however, is where the problem lies.

The Problem With Instincts

The trouble with instincts is that we develop them at a very early stage in our lives when our parents become our role models without us even realizing it. It follows, then, that a man who has an abusive mother is very likely to look for a partner who is also abusive in some way, not because he thinks he deserves this kind of behavior, but because this is the only kind of love he knows. While this example may be a little over the top, it serves to explain why we fall for people who we might logically recognize as bad for us, but still find irresistible because they feel familiar somehow.

This is also the psychological explanation to why we keep making the same mistakes, following the same wrong patterns in our romantic relationships despite our best efforts to break away from them, or without us ever realizing they even exist.

Watch this enlightening video by The School Of Life which explains everything.

The idea is not to blame everything on ourselves and give up on the hope of finding true love. It is more about knowing ourselves and our needs and limitations, so as to make better decisions when choosing our partners from now on.

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Thursday, 13 April 2017

We Date The Wrong People Because Of This Reason

Don’t worry if you’re always asking yourself the reason why you seem to fall for the wrong person every time. It happens to every person who has submerged their entire self into the dating pool instead of just dipping their feet. You are not alone because a lot more people also feel that they always date the wrong people.

Why Do We Always Fall For Or Date The Wrong Person?

Obviously, we do not fall for every person that comes our way. This is because we already have set traits and characters in our heads for people that we will give our hearts to. When you think about these traits, you would probably think of the usual ones like being kind, having great hair, being intelligent, and so on. We may not be conscious of it, but most of our lists are actually far from what we imagine.

We Unconsciously Fall For The Bad Apples

It would be wonderful to fall for someone who has all the positive traits in the world but, somehow, we consider them as boring or we only see people with positive traits as friends. So, why on earth can’t we fall for the good ones?

According to psychology, we’re not exactly looking for our prince or princess charming. We’re looking for people who are familiar to us. What does this mean? It, primarily, has something to do with our idea of love. We don’t learn about love from school. We learn it from home. We get our perception of how to love someone from our parents.

If our parents had a rocky relationship while we were growing up, we might pattern the same kind of relationship as we become adults. But, why would we want to pattern something that was not healthy? It is because the love factor was present in our parents’ relationship despite it being toxic. Our parents’ situation could have been far from ideal, but the same situation can give us a comforting feeling.

What To Do If You Date The Wrong People

When you’ve identified that you date the wrong people, you have to stop and think about who you want to end up with. Being conscious and aware of the characteristics you would like in a person, will help guide you. It’ll be easier said than done, but if you persist, you will sooner see an improvement in your dating life.

Hopefully, this post shed some light and answered your question. We have more informative posts so make sure to read more of them on the blog.

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Monday, 10 April 2017

Breakup Time: This Is The Day You’re Most Likely To Get Dumped

While it’s not easy to predict life and put everything into statistics, the findings of Facebook statisticians have established the one day of the year when you should probably lock yourself in a room and avoid all contact with your partner, as it’s the day you’re most likely to get dumped.

Relax, You’ve Still Got Loads Of Time Before You Get Dumped

Lucky for you, this year’s Breakup Day is still far ahead. The actual date to fear is the 11th of December, just two weeks before Christmas. Here are some of the most probable reasons why people decide to “have the talk” on this day.

The Reasons You Might Get Dumped On The 11th Of December

First of all, the run-up to Christmas can be a heavily emotional time. We all think about spending time with the people we love and when there’s something that we feel may be off about our partner, we are more likely to end things more spontaneously.

Then, there are practical issues to consider, like the large amounts of money we spend during the holidays. A person who’s unsure that their partner is worth keeping might be tempted to finish things and save the money spent on gifts, Christmas markets and nights out.

A third reason why a person might get dumped just 2 weeks before Christmas is that, well, who would break up with someone at actual Christmas? Strange as it may sound, it actually makes sense if you think about it. If you’re ready to drop the “b” word, you aren’t going to be a monster and do it at Christmas, are you?

Finally, one of the most serious breakup reasons on this date is the unwillingness to introduce a partner to our family. If there is one time of the year that’s full of family gatherings and large family dinners, that’s Christmas. When you’re unsure about keeping your partner, though, this is also a stressful time because you will have to decide whether you want to do it or not. In the latter case, you’re most likely to end the relationship too.

Thankfully, we’ve still got 8 months to go, so if you made it through this Christmas unscathed, you are one of the lucky ones. Enjoy your time, but also be aware of the date you’re most likely to get dumped.

If you enjoyed reading this article, you can continue reading more like it here. For those of you looking for a partner, why not visit AsianDate today? You can also find us on GooglePlus and Crunchbase.

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Thursday, 6 April 2017

Still Can’t Forgive Your Ex? This Is Why

If it’s been some time since you either broke up or gotten a divorce but still feel great resentment and pain over her, there must be a reason you feel this way. Here are some of the explanations as to why you still can’t forgive your ex.

The Obvious And Less Obvious Reasons Why You Can’t Forgive Your Ex

Some of the reasons you still experience that awfully sour feeling in your stomach when you think of your ex may be expected, while others are not always obvious. Let’s examine them one by one, and you can decide for yourself.

You’re Not Over Her Yet

This one is a no-brainer really. If the decision to stop being together was not yours but completely hers, there is a great chance you still fancy her physically, and so you have not fallen out of love. It’s a tough one, but you need to keep the faith: another woman will soon come along if you let her.

Your Ego Has Taken A Blow

This is a very common case when the cause for a break-up is a 3rd person. In the event you have been cheated on, there is great chance that you have not just had your heart broken, but your ego wounded as well. Try not to think of it as your loss though, but hers. When you learn to appreciate all you can give to a relationship, you will realize it is ultimately her who spoilt her chances of being with a decent guy like you. To help you get over the pain, remember that very often the guy with whom women cheat on their partner is not half as good as the partner.

You Think This Is Revenge

Sounds a bit strange, but often we hesitate to let go of our anger because we feel our ex does not deserve it. Why should she be forgiven when she hurt you so bad? You think that by keeping the bitterness alive, you somehow avenge her for breaking your heart. In reality, you are just torturing yourself. Chances are that she won’t even know or care about how you feel.

Your Anger Attaches You To Her

They say hate and love are two sides of the same coin, and in some cases it is true. As love is an intense and forceful feeling, so is hate a profound emotion that can attach us to people. By holding on to your rage, you hold on to what you know: having strong feelings for her. This time, though, the attachment is one-sided and only keeping you from moving on with your life.

The moment you decide to let go of your anger and forgive your ex, you will be a man renewed. Holding on to a negative feeling only serves to give us the illusion of having some sort of connection with a person from whom we need to keep a distance if we are to find happiness again.

For more on relationships and dating, click here. If you haven’t found The One yet. why not give AsianDate a try? If you want, you can also find us on Facebook and Crunchbase.

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